Good morning love 🌸

For many years I have found solace in non-duality. The ache for union and wholeness persists beneath my skin and I can see the places where the incisions were made. Where parts of me were cut away to sculpt something more pleasing. What does it mean to be good? In the non-dual view it all belongs and this is also a daily practice of remembering.

“She is good”, they say.

There is so much in those three words from our dear Gwen. She is good. What happens when ‘She’ is bad? And what happens when it’s either/or not both/and. Sometimes I am sure and sometimes I am not so sure because I don’t want to be good all the time. I am not good all the time, though I have surely tried to be. These days I am trying to reconcile the split in my own psyche so I can be a fuller human who is more kind to herself. Because it’s really not kind to try to be good all the time. It’s not kind and it’s not honest.

As I was slipping into the writing river this morning, I saw a post about how the earth has been made the Good Mother. The loving, caring, medicine giving Gaia but Gaia was born of chaos and took her son as her consort. Earth is Mother but She is neither good nor bad and She is both. We are multiple and complex, in light and shade, and it’s a heavy load to carry when we are bound by the suffocating dualism of good or bad, right or wrong, Eve or Lilith. To be snared in the narratives of disembodied religions and top down knowledge that tries to tame the wilds of Psyche and force our screaming shitting longing bodies into pleasing lines of politeness and conformity.

We have been shamed. Literally for millenia and that is going to take some time to compost but I’m here with you and you are here with me and we get to do it together. I know it doesn’t feel good to slowly chew on old pain and digest aged samskaras but digest them we must and Tantra is incredibly helpful with this.

I keep reminding myself to slow down because I know that actually tasting pain and feeling its sinew between my teeth is how my cells can break things down and make the old solvent and fluid. I’ll piss it out onto the land where it can be offered back to complete the cycle of renewal. I looked down at my legs this week and I had grown talons and fur. I cut them back, made myself more pleasing, but I am growing wilder on the inside and isn’t it easier to digest and chew and slow down when you’ve sharpened your incisors?

I am sending love and a tender touch to all your ‘good’ and all your ‘bad’.

You can learn more about Gwen, the 250 early bird and the Scotland retreat by either hitting reply or clicking on any of the images below.

From my wild heart to yours.

Col 🌹

Gwen will be leading the Samāveśa Sessions in June with the Mystery Hour. Gwen’s facilitation is equal parts breathtaking and nourishing. She is someone who is often with The Muses and I LOVE to receive her medicine. She leads the Deep Rest and Poetry as Meditation module on the 250hr training and early bird is ending in June so do come and taste her magic. Expect deep listening, poetry as meditation and gentle exploration of body, breath and energetic resonance..

Sunday evenings in June, 7-8pm BST, £40 for the 4 class bundle

The 250hr training comes around every other year and it is an incredibly special 15 month journey into embodied awakening. You can download the info pack straight from the website or please message me with questions. Early bird ends on the solstice, June 21st.

In two months we will be in the still and the sanctuary of the Scottish Hebrides. We have a few spots and this will be the only chance to practice in person this year. Expect saunas, swimming, walking, meditation, silence, rest, community, philosophy and movement.